I got to the last part of my love-temple visualization, the one that is meant to help me cope with negative thoughts related to my ex. I knew the scene would take place in three parts, but I didn't know the details.

Really, there are three parts and an introduction, so I should probably try to do a conclusion as well.

The scene begins as I walk toward a beautiful building carved into the side of the canyon. The first detail that the back part of my mind filled in was the color of the light--soft pink, like dawn but brighter, as if the sun were overhead. Then the canyon was warm orange and light cream. I can see all of this because I am crossing the canyon at the middle point on a narrow stone bridge that looks like a line going up to the temple. Picturing all of this instantly focuses my mind for the visualization.

I pictured a fountain welcoming me into the temple; little did I know, this would be very useful for the process as well because, like the valley bridge, it gives me a point of place to go to within the temple. It's like a save point and a trick that can pull my focus if my mind wanders.

I imagined the temple as a kind of municipal public utility, a place I could go to process my claim (letting go of past romantic relationship). So there was a check-in counter. The person there told me what the three steps would be--I didn't plan this ahead of time, it came out during the visualization. The first step would be to let go of the past and break the bond. I got a piece of paper representing the bond and instructions to take it into a nearby room of the temple.

At this point of the visualization, I walk back to the fountain and re-center my focus. I think about what I have just learned and I prepare myself to start the ritual that will break the bond. I do this while sitting on the edge of the fountain, which is made of the same stone as the building and canyon. I smell the running water, I hear it, I look at the ceiling and look outside, through the open archways of the temple. I feel the paper in my hand, a crisp parchment that symbolizes the connection I have to the thought patterns I want to break. I hold the idea of that symbol in my heart, and ready myself to break it.

It took me a couple of nights to get that far before losing consciousness.

When that feeling falls into place, I walk into the room next door. It's a large, mostly unadorned room. I see many columns going up into a shadow; light comes in on one side, through the canyon wall. There are lots of people here--people like me and temple workers. A man and a woman approach me and offer to take the document. This part, I like, because it's when I hand my problems off to someone else. I've thought of this a lot outside of the visualization... when I find myself having intrusive thoughts, I remind myself that I already turned the document in. It's like having signed a contract.

The man, woman and I hold hands around a pillar while the document is destroyed. They don't burn it; moths with flames for wings come and land on the paper. I picture the fire and the page turning to ash. Sometimes the temple servants offer me words of encouragement and affirmation. They say whatever I need to hear in that moment to make me keep my conviction.

A cute detail that I filled in was that the servants keep the ashes of my bond to use in other rituals. I thought a bit of all the other reasons people might go to the temple, needs that this symbol of a burned bond could aid.

I went through this part for three or four nights until I felt like I really had a handle on it and could continue.

On the first night, I was told that the second part of the process was that I had to put something back [into the universal cycle] and that the third would have me receive something to take back with me. I didn't plan ahead much for that other than to know it would have something to do with flowing water, a river.

The second part is extremely relaxing. It's a series of hot baths, like a spa, all carved out in the cave. This has to do with the site itself--a temple carved into the sides of a canyon, accessible by a bridge that goes above a river. The water is brought up into the temple to be used ritually. Outside of the temple, you can see the water flowing out on either side of the entrance. I smell and feel the water in the stone pools. I picture myself just soaking with relief now that I am no longer a party to this bond. But the second part is really about me putting something good back into the world. I broke the bond, but there was something good in there to be returned. So I think of a few of the positive memories while I soak. I take the feelings of love and connection and I wish them for other people, and I know all of that goes into the water that makes a part of the magic of this temple. It's like emotional recycling and it helps me to turn my negative memories into positive affirmations.

So here's the best part. For the third part, taking something back, I thought it might be a seed or an egg. But guess what... it was a knife! I didn't expect it, it just came up that way. That is very exciting. I think it's kind of like the subtle knife; maybe I can use it to cut an escape hatch when I have intrusive thoughts. Or maybe it has to do with my anger. It could be that when I have these intrusive thoughts, I will find myself using it defensively. I don't know what I'll use it for, but the important thing is that it made me feel very powerful and active when I received it.

I will probably go through the last part and a conclusion for a couple more nights, and I'll probably post again with a follow-up. I feel like since this is kind of magical I should mostly keep it to myself, aka write it in my diary!

2018-07-24, 3:31 p.m.

Pre., Nex.

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