I've been irritated for the past few days because someone dared to speak to me. Let me explain...

I live with my [redacted] in a house that she rents from my [redacted]. He has a carpentry workshop on the lot next door, and he bought this house as well (for less than $10k!). It's a pretty rural area so there is no residential garbage and recycling pick-up, just a rented Dumpster. I was taking our garbage out to the trash when I heard someone come out of the workshop; it was my [redacted]'s employee John, who said "what's up." I turned my head and just kept walking.

John is a colorful character from Appalachia. He's a very intelligent guy and full of bullnoise and malarky. A good 2 decades older than me. When I first moved here, he took me out to lunch a couple of times... actually, that started with "hey, good-looking, what're you doing for lunch?" I chose to take the high road and treat that as though he talked to all of his friends that way. We'd go to one of the Chinese buffets and he'd tell me outrageous stories involving acts of violence, criminality, things that get you dishonorably discharged from the military, how to hide a body using hogs, techniques of marijuana farms who live in the hills, how to get back at your attorney for giving you a raw deal... you know, the usual. In my defense I had just been ejected from my home and had no one around me, my normal meter was off, and frankly he told fascinating stories. (I have to mention that one of his stories was about going to a Rolling Stones concert with James Woods.....?????????????????)

Word got around to me that my [redacted] had told John, "just don't go there" with regard to me and that he'd better not act like "a dirty old man." I thought that with all this happening out in the open, I wouldn't have much trouble from him, let alone that I felt I could put him in his place easily enough. Can't bullshit a bullshitter and all that. How naive was I!

This little cat-and-mouse game came to a head one night, the first night I decided to get out of the house and try my hand at the bi-weekly karaoke night, hosted by a soccer mom at a local Wings-n-Barfight venue. When I pulled up, I told this old man straight away that I was just there as a friend, this is NOT a date, you know that, right? All good. We shot the breeze and traded music on the phone... he actually introduced me to my new favorite death metal band, Nile. I sang 3 karaoke songs with my usual star quality.

The first red flag was when, pretty much out of nowhere, he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, and said something sexual. I immediately yelled for the bartender and he stopped. Please do not judge me for being so unintelligent that I didn't leave then and there... or at least judge me quietly to yourself. A little while later, he went outside to smoke and I followed him, out of a sense of being a complete dope who will gladly carry out a conversation with a brick wall if it looks her in the eye once in a while. As you can expect, his boorish behavior escalated; I could sense when he was coming in for a "hug" and put my arms up in a protective field and yelled "no, don't touch me!!!!"

At this point I did leave, and he decided it was also a good time for him to leave, so of course he followed me out. He was what you would call belligerent. He just would not leave me alone. He said that he had it figured out, he was older than me, so he would show me the ropes. I openly laughed in his face and made a very crazy calculation. I told him I only dated bisexual people... I don't know what to say for myself, this isn't strictly true, but I just wanted him to stop badgering me (and I have a perverse imp on my shoulder who whispers in my ear at opportune moments). You would have thought I was on fire. He took three steps away and clarified my meaning, finally left, and I got in the car and drove off.

That was about 3 months ago and I certainly haven't communicated with him since then. Because he works next door and because I now knew him to be completely full of it, I told my [redacted] what happened just to get ahead of the story. The lord knows what this bozo said about me. So you can imagine my delight when he casually said "what's up" to me the other day, as if he is allowed such a right.

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But all that said, today I am feeling like I live in a community. My neighbor asked for my help making photocopies for him, and we were able to use the copier in the woodshop. He has a hearing coming up for a disability claim. He certainly has the paperwork and the trouble to merit it, but his lawyer is not dependable. He is a good guy and has only ever treated me with respect. As it happens, when I first moved here, John told me that my neighbor was the most unintelligent person he'd ever known--just to make it clear what kind of guy John is. But I'm glad I could help my neighbor and I hope he doesn't get rejected in court.

2018-03-04, 4:47 p.m.

Pre., Nex.

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